Sir Andy Murray, OBE. World No 1
Wimbledon Champion 2013 & 2016
Olympic Gold & Silver Medallist, USO Champion 2012
Team GB - Davis Cup Champions 2015
Olympic Gold Medallist 2016
BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2013, 2015 & 2016
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Thread: JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

  1. #231

    Re: JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

    I am so very, very sorry. I completely understand where you are coming from. It is for the reasons you have outlined that I knew I wouldn’t last very long in the Fostering Process before I was chucked off the course, or told someone where to stick it. Tolerance and I are not natural bed fellows, (I can just imagine what the mods are thinking reading that........!!!).

    It is incredibly hard, but S was damaged by the adults that should have protectected him in his early years. From what you have said his father was the very opposite of a good parent. You couldn’t keep him, but try not to blame him. Given his difficulties he needed specialist care from puppyhood. Regrettably he will almost certainly end up in the Criminal Justice System. You and K did your best. Nobody could have tried harder. You were always going to lose, S was lost a decade ago. A Poem for you. You know exactly where S lies on it. Meanwhile eat biscuits, drink wine and think about Furry Friends. Be warned they also have issues. Millie regularly tries to kill me by gassing me to death.

    Children Learn What They Live By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
    If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
    If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
    If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
    If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
    If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
    If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
    If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
    If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
    If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
    If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
    If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
    If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
    If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
    If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
    If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
    If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
    If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
    If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
    If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Teresa For This Useful Post:

    Caro (13-10-2017), JerryD (12-10-2017)

  3. #232

    Re: JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

    I don't blame him, I blame the person s grew up with for how he was raised, I blame the social workers for making me enforce rules that put me in danger when they were only to happy to drop them when it was here or elsewhere. I blame the school for refusing to help in the process and encouraging behaviours and beliefs.

    I was an abused child, a foster child, all the rest of it. I didn't learn love or respect from my surroundings. I didn't learn to value myself. Though despite being treated with violence, criticism and all the other horrible things people do to each other I never responded in that way to anyone else. I knew how I hated it. I was never violent, I wasn't cruel or criminal. I grew up in that situation until I was 15. Then had more of the same in foster care. I stumbled. But I was never lost. I knew right from wrong and lived within it. I put out good treatment, in hopes of getting it in return. I taught myself to be the person I am today. Knowing I'd come through and not being another statisic, a child who goes on to prison or abused who becomes and abuser, the cycles of care that run in families, that gave me hope for S. it told me it was possible. Now S isn't me. I know that more cases end up like his than mine, but I was hopeful. It's what kept me trying.

    i am out of hope for this situation but maybe in time and with rest and recovery that hope will return. For now, work is done so I will look through my new Borneo book and think of better times. Thank you for you kind words Teresa it means a lot

  4. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to JerryD For This Useful Post:

    Caro (13-10-2017), cazza99 (12-10-2017), clancy (12-10-2017), hfwardhouse (12-10-2017), jackie55 (12-10-2017), JAMES4578 (12-10-2017), pabbers (13-10-2017), patlowe (12-10-2017), Rosalind (13-10-2017)

  5. #233
    Pro Player
    Location
    cheshire UK
    Posts
    455

    Re: JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

    We all regard Andy as THE STAR on this forum and that's why we all came together but reading some of the posts on this and other streams there are certainly more STARS below the surface ...... x

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to clancy For This Useful Post:

    anor (12-10-2017), JerryD (12-10-2017), Rosalind (13-10-2017)

  7. #234
    ATP Ace!
    Location
    Southern Hebrides
    Posts
    7,482

    Re: JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

    I agree that Andy is our star - it's he that brings us all together. It's really good to know how many wonderful people follow Andy though and so many of those people actually take the time to post on this site. The forum is a great support to me as I'm sure it is to many other members. I really hope that once Andy hangs up his racquets - and I hope that isn't any time soon - we find some way to continue to communicate with one another.

  8. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Alis For This Useful Post:

    anor (12-10-2017), clancy (12-10-2017), jackie55 (12-10-2017), jeannie13 (12-10-2017), JerryD (12-10-2017), patlowe (12-10-2017), Rosalind (13-10-2017), WimbledonWestie (13-10-2017)

  9. #235
    Challenger Circuit patlowe's Avatar
    Location
    Coleraine, N Ireland
    Posts
    1,814

    Re: JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryD View Post
    I don't blame him, I blame the person s grew up with for how he was raised, I blame the social workers for making me enforce rules that put me in danger when they were only to happy to drop them when it was here or elsewhere. I blame the school for refusing to help in the process and encouraging behaviours and beliefs.

    I was an abused child, a foster child, all the rest of it. I didn't learn love or respect from my surroundings. I didn't learn to value myself. Though despite being treated with violence, criticism and all the other horrible things people do to each other I never responded in that way to anyone else. I knew how I hated it. I was never violent, I wasn't cruel or criminal. I grew up in that situation until I was 15. Then had more of the same in foster care. I stumbled. But I was never lost. I knew right from wrong and lived within it. I put out good treatment, in hopes of getting it in return. I taught myself to be the person I am today. Knowing I'd come through and not being another statisic, a child who goes on to prison or abused who becomes and abuser, the cycles of care that run in families, that gave me hope for S. it told me it was possible. Now S isn't me. I know that more cases end up like his than mine, but I was hopeful. It's what kept me trying.

    i am out of hope for this situation but maybe in time and with rest and recovery that hope will return. For now, work is done so I will look through my new Borneo book and think of better times. Thank you for you kind words Teresa it means a lot
    I think you are a lovely person (you are obviously a good teacher )and I am very fond of both you and Kev. You have a great attitude. Well done and keep it up! xx

  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to patlowe For This Useful Post:

    Caro (13-10-2017), JerryD (12-10-2017), Rosalind (13-10-2017)

  11. #236
    Challenger Circuit
    Location
    Worcestershire
    Posts
    1,993

    Re: JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

    Jerry, your post brought tears to my eyes. You are an amazing person, all the more amazing for what you went through as a child. And like you say, you are the perfect example of self resilience and being what you are in spite of your upbringing. The nature vs nurture debate will rumble on forever but you are an example that "nurture" (or lack of) is not always a prediction of outcome. My great niece who I think I have mentioned before had similar problems to S but not nearly as extreme. She used to run off as a teenager, got into trouble with the police and ended up in foster care. She grew up with a caring mum (although a stressed one - you will empathise with that Jerry!) and 2 sisters. Her 2 sisters never "went off the rails" but they didn't have cerebral palsy. So whilst I agree with Teresa, despite background and childhood, my great niece and you Jerry are examples of the opposite behaviour to what one might expect. Clearly cerebral palsy though has a lot to do with the behavioural issues for S and my great niece though. I should add that she grew up to be a caring if somewhat scatty adult.

  12. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Caro For This Useful Post:

    JerryD (13-10-2017), patlowe (13-10-2017), RosieBear (13-10-2017)

  13. #237

    Re: JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

    Quote Originally Posted by Caro View Post
    Jerry, your post brought tears to my eyes. You are an amazing person, all the more amazing for what you went through as a child. And like you say, you are the perfect example of self resilience and being what you are in spite of your upbringing. The nature vs nurture debate will rumble on forever but you are an example that "nurture" (or lack of) is not always a prediction of outcome. My great niece who I think I have mentioned before had similar problems to S but not nearly as extreme. She used to run off as a teenager, got into trouble with the police and ended up in foster care. She grew up with a caring mum (although a stressed one - you will empathise with that Jerry!) and 2 sisters. Her 2 sisters never "went off the rails" but they didn't have cerebral palsy. So whilst I agree with Teresa, despite background and childhood, my great niece and you Jerry are examples of the opposite behaviour to what one might expect. Clearly cerebral palsy though has a lot to do with the behavioural issues for S and my great niece though. I should add that she grew up to be a caring if somewhat scatty adult.
    Ditto what Caro has written, Jerry. for being so strong and transcending your circumstances.

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