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Thread: JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

  1. #1

    JerryD will soon need a pacemaker...

    My nephew is back staying with us again. This time likely for a whole lot more than 3 weeks (pre wimbie stunt), so between a 15 year old who is 6 in his head because of his learning difficulties and his CP, work, house stuff and a belly bug that won't quit I felt stressed, tired and ill when I got up. Especially after his misisngs last week. Then my other nephew came round (8) and the pair of them were in a 'lets fight and call each other' names mood. For 5 hours! After the little one left, it was time for his daily moan about doing some letters and numbers. Sadly his mood did not improve after he finished so it was balancing a moody teeabage 6 year old and work and housework. I do love him to bits and I am happy to do these things with him and spend time with him and have him here. But after hours of "my mum lets me ..." I'm also happy his mum has come to take him out for a few hours. I'm awful I know. But it also means I get to come back on here. Life getting in the way of tennis again. Imagine how many cups of ginger or peppermint tea I can drink in 2 hours!
    Last edited by JerryD; 11-09-2017 at 08:27.

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  3. #2
    Challenger Circuit
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    Re: What has made you happy or sad?

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryD View Post
    My nephew is back staying with us again. This time likely for a whole lot more than 3 weeks (pre wimbie stunt), so between a 15 year old who is 6 in his head because of his learning difficulties and his CP, work, house stuff and a belly bug that won't quit I felt stressed, tired and ill when I got up. Especially after his misisngs last week. Then my other nephew came round (8) and the pair of them were in a 'lets fight and call each other' names mood. For 5 hours! After philip left, it was time for Sam's daily moan about doing some letters and numbers. Sadly his mood did not improve after he finished so it was balancing a moody teeabage 6 year old and work and housework. I do love him to bits and I am happy to do these things with him and spend time with him and have him here. But after hours of "my mum lets me ..." I'm also happy his mum has come to take him out for a few hours. I'm awful I know. But it also means I get to come back on here. Life getting in the way of tennis again. Imagine how many cups of ginger or peppermint tea I can drink in 2 hours!
    Awful?! You're a saint Jerry! What a fantastic auntie you are, honestly. I can't think of many your age who would do what you're doing. I do hope life sorts out soon for you both. Lots of love xx

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  5. #3

    Re: What has made you happy or sad?

    Well today I wish he was still here giving me a hard time, because after telling me how awful I was and how much he hates my rules he ran off again. And I know because of his needs and his disabilities when he runs off I have to report him missing. Even though he's just hiding round the same streets and he will come back when it starts getting dark. I'm not allowed to look for him in the places I know he will be because I have to wait at home in case he comes back, even though I know it won't be til dark. Then when the police do come hours and hours later I get a hard time about calling 101 even though I didn't want to and it's not my choice to. Then when he comes home and is in bed sleeping they will want to check on him and wake him. This system is so stupid. It's a waste of my police time, a waste of my time and he's not in any danger. Wouldn't it be better if I could just go and get him and bring him home? That's not how it's done because of his learning disorder! It makes me so mad! Hopefully it will just be one day this week.

  6. #4
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    Re: What has made you happy or sad?

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryD View Post
    Well today I wish he was still here giving me a hard time, because after telling me how awful I was and how much he hates my rules he ran off again. And I know because of his needs and his disabilities when he runs off I have to report him missing. Even though he's just hiding round the same streets and he will come back when it starts getting dark. I'm not allowed to look for him in the places I know he will be because I have to wait at home in case he comes back, even though I know it won't be til dark. Then when the police do come hours and hours later I get a hard time about calling 101 even though I didn't want to and it's not my choice to. Then when he comes home and is in bed sleeping they will want to check on him and wake him. This system is so stupid. It's a waste of my police time, a waste of my time and he's not in any danger. Wouldn't it be better if I could just go and get him and bring him home? That's not how it's done because of his learning disorder! It makes me so mad! Hopefully it will just be one day this week.
    That system does seem ridiculous! No wonder you're nearer the end of your tether than you would be if you 'only' had your nephew to contend with.

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  8. #5

    Re: What has made you happy or sad?

    The lad might well be reacting to recent changes. Personally I would scrub the letters and numbers bit until you and he are more up to it. There are battles you and he don't need? Can you tag him, with either an old iPhone (find my iPhone works well) or there are various things you can put in his pocket that enable you to track people. I got one to try and track my iPhone (if I lose it in the house I can sometimes hear it, but can't locate where it is), but realised it needs an iPhone to make it work..........!!!

    It's a big change for all of you. Pick your battles, and don't beat yourself up if sometimes you flag. If he is a runner, you can get alarms that trigger if people go beyond a certain range. They are used with people with dementia who have a wandering habit.

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  10. #6

    Re: What has made you happy or sad?

    Some of it is about changes, but the running off went on everyday at home, it was usually about not wanting to do things and asserting independence, pushing the boundaries. It's one of the reasons he is here. After 3 weeks of outbursts and tantrums, running off and attacking people, his mum and siblings were struggling. He has always been one who doesn't want to do his numbers and letters. His school let him leave it if he doesn't want to, in order to avoid "kick offs" (their words), as a result he has only done them with me for years. On a bad day he only does 15 minutes on a good day he does more but in short sessions. It seems bizarre but it is something he has to get used to, doing, same as he has to get used to doing things he finds hard or dull. He did it all the other times but yesterday he wanted to go out. It wasn't really about the work either. He doesn't like that he isn't allowed out on his own. It's not my rules but I am the one who has to push it. He wants to go and hang out with people he thinks are his friends. But they just use him and et him into trouble. He doesnt know any of their names. But they tell him to do things for him because he won't get in as much trouble.

    He isn't allowed a mobile as he just kept calling 999 in the past. Usually he is around the same places. So we know we're he is. Friends and neighbour's see him every 20 minutes. But if he isn't ready to come and you go to ask him to, he just runs off again. He never goes far, just the few streets between here and his mums. Never more than 10 minutes walk from either. But the rules are the rules and I have to report him missing even though o know he's not far and will come back. Then be treated like a time waster by the police no matter how many times I tell them I don't want to do it this way but it's not my choice. He would notice anything in his pockets and doesn't like people touching his things. Yesterday the police were suspicious when they returned him and he had an Apple box in his pocket. I had to explain that he takes his most treasured posseions with him when he runs off. They probably thought he'd stolen it!

    Today aside from my persistent stomach bug We are having a good day. Hopefully yesterday was the only run off for this week as the foster care team come out on Friday.

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  12. #7
    Wild Card patlowe's Avatar
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    Re: What has made you happy or sad?

    Jerry you are having a really challenging time and by the sound of things, you are doing a great job. I admire you for that. But I am also concerned about your own health. If you haven't already done so, I think you should see a doctor. Your tummy bug seems to be hanging around a bit long and I'm sure there must be something to at least alleviate your symptoms. It must be hard to cope when you are under the weather yourself. You take care! x

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  14. #8

    Re: What has made you happy or sad?

    Could you tag his apple Box, and other important items to him? Does he use a walking aid? Would he fall for "the we are tagging them because we don't want you to lose them line". He might not twig, he himself is actually being tagged.

    I admire what you are doing. Children like your nephew are very challenging. I see where you are coming from in the letters and numbers situation, but maybe agree a short break - just a couple of weeks, whilst he settles, and you get your guts sorted out. Could you then tell him he can decide when he is going to do them, but he has to chose a time? Give him a feeling of being a bit more in control- of being a "big boy" now.

    Good luck tomorrow.

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  16. #9

    Re: What has made you happy or sad?

    Quote Originally Posted by patlowe View Post
    Jerry you are having a really challenging time and by the sound of things, you are doing a great job. I admire you for that. But I am also concerned about your own health. If you haven't already done so, I think you should see a doctor. Your tummy bug seems to be hanging around a bit long and I'm sure there must be something to at least alleviate your symptoms. It must be hard to cope when you are under the weather yourself. You take care! x

    Thanks pat, for your kind words and your concern. I hadn't seen a doctor as I'm one of those give it a week and if it's not better give it another week, types. I have tried increasing how much water I'm drinking, which is helping. Peppermint or ginger tea seems to help in the short term and hot water bottles at night. I just need to up my sleep. I know I'm also not getting in my usual level of gym time which sometimes makes my digestion feel sluggish. I suspect it's a mix of stress, not enough sleep, varying meal times and change of routine. Tuesday for example I ended up having breakfast really late missing lunch entirely and having dinner late, as S ran around the roads between here and his mums.

    Yesterday was a good day, S got showered and dressed and made his bed. We went for a walk as I wasn't up to swimming with my tummy. We played in the garden and we had letter and number games. He enjoys that more than the worksheet based stuff which is dull. He still remembered the new letter, K from last week. When he saw it he told me it was kicking K for uncle Kev. KevD is his favourite. He told me yesterday, when he was skipping because Kev was coming home for the third night in a row. A blooming long drive from gaydon to Liverpool. Not sure how he does it. He had "telly time" which is something I'm not a fan of but he's 15 and all teenagers love telly. He's obsessed with a show about people who upgrade cars and put body kits and stuff on them. That and cops or traffic police for the car chases or anything dinosaur or shark related. 2 of his siblings came over and we did some crafts and drawing. It was his mums birthday so when she came she had cake for him and he had a card he's been working of for days for her. It was hard for him. The words he didn't know he just copied because he want to do it himself. I cut all the letters needed for the card and he asselmebed the words he knew, like a puzzle. Then he wrote them out. He had a few goes at drawing pictures because he wanted the flowers to be the best he could do. His mum was so happy with it. He was over the moon and said he was the best of the kids because his card took the most work when others just went to the shop lol

    Later his mum came back to takw him to see his older brother for a bit. My belly was still bad so I didn't want to push it too much, but I took the opportunity to go to the gym for the first time in two weeks. I didn't manage more than 40 minutes. Only 15 of which were running before my stomach hurt. I still felt much better after I stopped, and was hungry for the first time in days It must have helped because today I didn't wake to cramp spasms in my calf. S is having a very slow loving day today though, it took me an hour to get him out of bed. Then he was 45 minutes eating his breakfast. An hour he went to get ready. After 30 minutes I went to check on him but he said he was picking his clothes and would be down when he was done, there is still no sign of him. I'm sure I'd fail the foster assessment if they turned up now, nearly 12 and he's not dressed. There is no point in rushing him though, even if it looks bad.

    He doesn't have a walking aid, he had a series of successful operations that mean he can walk without one, though with a prounounced limp. He has a series of pins in his leg to help straighten it. I have to say the NHS were incredible, so many children older than sam with the same level of CP can't walk but new treatments, physio and operations together were a miracle. He is now enrolled on a treatment of Botox for his arm at whiston hospital, but he hates it so he's missed the last two appointments.

    He does pick what time of day we do letters and numbers. He picks which leaning games we play. He also picks he two day he has off a week. He would sooner not do any as he says he doesn't want to read or know numbers. Sadly he keeps telling me that his school day he can get DLA all his life so he doesn't need to read because he doesn't need a job when hes big. Though he moans about it, he is always proud of himself when we finish a slot, whether it's a worksheet or learning game. Then he's in a hurry to show everyone or tell people.

    Ah finally here he is ..
    Last edited by pabbers; 17-09-2017 at 09:37.

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  18. #10

    Re: What has made you happy or sad?

    If you go to a GP with a tummy bug they usually just tell you not to eat any food for 24-48 hours and drink lots of fluid.

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