Sir Andy Murray, OBE. World No 1
Wimbledon Champion 2013 & 2016
Olympic Gold & Silver Medallist, USO Champion 2012
Team GB - Davis Cup Champions 2015
Olympic Gold Medallist 2016
BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2013, 2015 & 2016
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Thread: Jokes Thread

  1. #211

    Re: Jokes Thread

    To the person who hid my shoes while I was on the bouncy castle.....

    Grow up !!

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  3. #212

    Re: Jokes Thread

    6 stages of a project ...


    Enthusiasm,
    disillusionment,
    panic,
    search for the guilty ,
    punishment for the innocent,
    praise and glory for the none participants

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  5. #213
    ATP Ace! RoastLamb's Avatar
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    7,460

    Re: Jokes Thread

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    To

    To who?

    I think you mean, "To whom!"
    Andy. Rafa. Milos. What's not to like?

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  7. #214

    Re: Jokes Thread

    My dad always used to say 'first rule of theatre is always leave them wanting more'...

    lovely man, useless anaesthetist.

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  9. #215

    Re: Jokes Thread

    Jez wanted to "have a talk"about my childish behaviour just now...

    I managed to avoid it as she doesn't know the secret code to get into my treehouse...

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  11. #216
    Challenger Circuit patlowe's Avatar
    Location
    Coleraine, N Ireland
    Posts
    1,861

    Re: Jokes Thread

    Ah Kev, good to have you back! I've missed your jokes!!

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  13. #217

    Re: Jokes Thread

    I was sewing watches to the belt loops on my trousers for a whole evening and then I realised .....it was just a waist of time

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  15. #218

    Re: Jokes Thread

    groan

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  17. #219

    Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by cazza99 View Post
    groan
    Welcome to my world lol

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  19. #220

    Re: Jokes Thread

    Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

    I’ve been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up.
    -I went today, but not one person would stroke me.

    A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

    A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”

    Bob: "Holy schmoozes, I just fell off a 30 ft ladder."
    Jim: "No way man, are you okay?"
    Bob: "Yeah, luckily I was just on the first step."

    A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured him: „Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with that amount of money.“
    And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to jail eventually, he didn’t have a penny anymore.

    Just came home from a training session. Two hours on the treadmill did me really good. If only I could somehow stop the constant beeping and the irritated comments of the cashier.

    My SMS autocorrect just changed "I’m so concerned with existential anxieties it is difficult to breathe" to "I feel great".







    Last edited by JAMES4578; 11-01-2018 at 00:47.

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