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View Full Version : Do Not Go Gently into that Good Night or "It's Life Jim, but Not as We Know it"



supergran
10-06-2017, 09:07
I wake up in bed alone as I have done since January. No supergramps smiling at me as he gets up early and gets ready for his day. Those days are long gone, well before January but I still remember them as I lie here wondering how he will be today. I think back to the trips and falls, to the signs of something going wrong, to the epilepsy diagnosed years ago but now well-managed by medication and to the 23rd November 2016. On that day we finally had an explanation, a diagnosis. We were told at the Walton Centre by a very kind Neurologist that my lovely, funny, kind husband has Supranuclear Palsy, a degenerative brain condition. I'd never heard if it but since then know a lot about it. I have researched it, joined a forum and the more I read of other sufferers and carers' experiences the more prepared I am for what is to come. :sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad: It is April and Alan is once more in hospital. I am unhappy. Each day I go in and find his table away from him so he can't reach for his drinks. I give him a full breaker and he drinks it greedily. He was thirsty! I feed him every day with his evening meal. A nurse passes by one day and comments on the clean plate. I tell her he has a good appetite and she tells me he doesn't at lunch time. I question this later and told that he's very often asleep. You have to wake him I say inwardly screaming with anger and frustration.........................I make a decision which I tell the GP: He will never go back into hospital. He will never be left alone in a room as he was this year, never be thirsty and missing meals......................Are you happy I ask and he always replies Yes, I'm happy at home with you. This is where he is staying!

supergran
10-06-2017, 09:42
I get up, my routine always the same except when he goes to the Kershaw Centre. Quick shower, dress and downstairs. I go in to him, he's asleep though he wasn't at 5.40 when I hear him cailing me via the monitor. Maureen, Maureen he calls. I wait and soon he stops and gentle snoring reassures me. This happens a lot and when I asK him why did he call me he says he didn't want me to oversleep for the carers. Patiently I tell him once again I have an alarm and my days of sleeping in I are over. He smiles.

supergran
10-06-2017, 10:00
I look around and see what is virtually a hospital room. The bed with rails dominates. The bed which supergramps has been known to call his cage. His electric reclining chair is near the patio doors and he usually sits there in the mornings. I see everything here that he needs. Chests of drawers brought from upstairs
and a large built-in cupboard at the bottom house meducation, toiletries, towels, pyjamas, bedding, pads and clothes. Instead of our lovely glass occasional tables I see a wheelchair, commode, laundry basket and Zimmer frame. I muse on the fact that he rarely uses the Zimmer now as he really is unable to walk any more. I feel sad thinking of this man who would walk 5 miles every morning after bringing up my breakfast and the papers; who would happily walk into town, would walk to the pub every Friday evening to watch Super League and is now unable to stand on his own. The large Standing Frame which is used to transfer him is also in the room, a permanent reminder of his condition. ....................I brush back my tears, swallow hard and get ready for the carers. Another day has begun.

clancy
10-06-2017, 10:07
Very moving Maureen, God bless you both. xx

goldfish
10-06-2017, 10:18
Beautifully written. Sending you both our best wishes from fentiger and myself xx

Alis
10-06-2017, 10:19
Hang on to the good memories, Maureen, and laugh when you can. My thoughts are with you.

supergran
10-06-2017, 11:26
I will be recording my musings from now on. Somehow it helps and to know that so many friends care is a blessing.

supergran
10-06-2017, 11:39
He sleeps a lot, a symptom of PSP. Other symptoms are slumping to one side, staring, the inability to speak clearly though his Yes and No are usually clear and audible. It is a bad day.....he is unresponsive and his lovely blue eyes are vacant. He stares upwards and doesn't respond to gentle questions. He is washed and dressed and put back into bed where he is immediately asleep. I wake him up throughout the day to give him drinks and food. Perhaps later he rallies and I sit with him holding his hand. He grasps mine tightly. Sometimes I ask him if he wants some music and we stay holding hands listening to his favourites. The volume has to be high and the voices of Sinatra, Ella, Sara Vaughan, Willie Nelson, Neil Diamond, to name just a few resound around the house. He is happy and gradually falls asleep again. Gently I extricate my hand from his and go and do a few jobs.

supergran
10-06-2017, 12:23
It is a good day. He smiles at the carers, he answers their questions and smiles and thanks them. They all think he's lovely and I honestly couldn't manage without them even though I've had to train them all in various ways. Please don't leave the soap in the bowl of water, please empty completely the liquid medication, please keep towels for top and bottom separate. I make lists for them, I explain that I recycle so don't want everything discarded in one bag, I listen to them on the monitor.............They're used to me now and I've only had two banned from the house.:big grin: Alan watches TV, he can no longer read. I read to him, usually rugby, cricket and Andy related articles of course. He can no longer use or speak on the phone which often causes some irritation on my part.........The phone rings: Can I speak to Alan Stewart-Jones. I ask who's speaking. ...It's usually someone from the Health Authority. I explain that he is unable to speak on the phone then told because of patient confidentiality the conversation must end. Hold on, I say, this is his wife and his carer and I need to know why you are ringing. I ask if they are aware of his condition and not everyone is. I explain and then told this call is a reminder of an appointment be has. I reply that I'm well aware of the appointment as have already received two letters! It is on the calendar and wouldn't it save money and time if these reminders weren't made. You can always opt out I'm told. I opt out! Supergramps asks who was on the phone and I explain and tell him what I have said. He grins and says They don't know you but they soon will. He's having a good day!

lynne
10-06-2017, 14:29
Oh! Maureen, how beautifully written,it really made me shed some tears as could relate to some of your musings after having lost my mother to Alzheimer's, your heart just breaks seeing them like that, so my heart goes out to you. Sending my thoughts and prayers and a big :grouphug:. But most of all Maureen don't forget to laugh as it sure helps a great deal :grouphug:

Linda
10-06-2017, 14:54
:grouphug: :grouphug:

WimbledonWestie
10-06-2017, 18:17
So moving Maureen and a lovely reminder to us all to cherish every moment of life.

anor
10-06-2017, 18:57
Well seen you were a Principal of English, Maureen as your diary is so movingly told. I'd love to be a fly on the wall during those phone conversations with the authorities! Please keep us updated and meantime my thoughts are with you and Alan and just think that it won't be long now until your pamper day out at Wimbie. :strawberry::wino: :hug:

patlowe
10-06-2017, 20:31
Beautifully written Maureen and if it were to be published it would be a source of inspiration to those in a similar position to you. Once again, I marvel at your fortitude and resilience...you are amazing. I know who I would turn to if I needed help and encouragement to conquer a difficult situation! Also love the title of this thread! Take care. :hug:

jeannie13
10-06-2017, 21:19
Oh Maureen, my heart goes out to you both. You have such a gift of writing.
It brought tears to my eyes as it will to many.The love for each other shines through.
It's good that it helps you to write about it .Keep going - we all care a lot.

Much love :love::grouphug:

Genbrit
11-06-2017, 03:06
Aaah Mo!!!! So glad your writing is a source of therapy for you. Make sure you keep all of your musings saved somewhere safe as well. It takes me back to caring for mum, which I'm so glad I was able to do.

Keep doing what you're doing, you're an amazing woman and write away on here as much as you need.

We all love and care about you both. :flowers::hug:

supergran
11-06-2017, 09:19
Amazed that you are reading this. Thought I'd just jot down my thoughts and eventually someone would visit this thread. You are on the ball, impressed as I sometimes forget to look at all threads. Your comments are lovely and Lynne and Susan I hope it's not upset you, bringing back memories of your struggles caring for loved ones.

supergran
11-06-2017, 09:33
It is our 53rd Wedding Anniversary. I buy two cards and show them to Alan. He asks for a pen. Tears come easily often and there are tears as he struggles to write as I hold the card and try to guide his hand. It is practically indecipherable but he carries on. He used to write the most loving and romantic messages, words that didn't come easily but could be written so beautifully. I kiss him and say that's lovely, thank you and he lies back in the chair exhausted with the effort. During the day when he's awake I talk about our wedding day. How it was the hottest Whit on record the days before, how it was hot and sunny as we went into church and when we came out after a long Nuptial Mass the heavens opened and we had to dash back into church until the rain subsided and we were able to take photographs outside. He remembers and recalls other events of the day. We hold hands as we reminisce and he looks happy. Later we listen to music together. It's been a lovely day though as I sit next to him I can't help wondering how many more will we have.

AllyB
11-06-2017, 10:00
Beautifully written and very poignant. I have never had the pleasure of meeting either of you but can't help be moved by your story. I sincerely hope that the future is no harder than it needs to be for both of you.

supergran
11-06-2017, 10:06
The District Nurse comes for another blood test. He smiles at her and says hello. The tennis from Monte Carlo is on. I turn down the volume as she chats. She comments that he must like tennis. Yes he replies but Maureen loves Andy Murray and he comes first in our house! She laughs and says she's sure that's not true. The GP visits, he's the second string at our surgery, young and very interested in PSP. Alan is the first patient he's met with this condition and we discuss it at length. He comments on the photographs in the room showing supergramps standing, smiling, looking so different. Photographs taken at my 70th birthday, with our children, in New York, San Diego and with the Captain on our last cruise. On Sundays the Eucharist Minister Frank visits bring Communion for us both. He grasps both hands as he greets supergramps and Alan responds with a huge smile. He's always pleased to see him. Sometimes he is able to follow the short service, attempting to pray, other times he just stares upwards blankly. He tries to make the sign of the Cross not always successively but he's always happy he's received Communion. One day we get a visit from our local priest. Alan is having a good day and during the hour and three quarter visit he chats with Fr Tom who promises to come and see him again..................................Visitors are few and far between these days. When he came home from hospital in. January I sent an e-mail to the Old Codgers, a forum for retired Fire Fighters in Merseyside saying I would appreciate visits from ex-colleagues. To date he has had two visits. So many men have told me they will visit, from the two rugby union clubs, from our local but they don't come. He is on the Sick List at our Parish Church and the information reaches two parishes.....but nobody comes. My friends say they will visit, people I have known for many years.....but they don't come...........Thankfully I have two friends, one I've known for many years as we worked together and one I met through this forum. If it wasn't for Janet and Pam aka MurrayAOne I wouldn't see anyone except for family. These two true friends have been a source of solace to me and it's with them and Pam especially that I get to enjoy conversation, a few glasses of wine and the knowledge that I haven't been totally abandoned.

Mickey
11-06-2017, 10:28
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Alan. Congratulations on your Wedding anniversary. When I met you in Ghent it was obvious that you both loved each other, and I must admit that I fell in love with Alan as it was clear to see his courage and generosity of spirit. You are both such wonderful adverts of what makes a successful marriage.
As to the lack of visits from former colleagues I believe that they don't know how they will cope, not that is a good enough reason as they should put your needs above their fears.
If I was nearer I would visit, but be sure you are both very much in my thoughts and prayers.:hug::cheers:

supergran
11-06-2017, 11:04
Thank you Mickey for your beautiful reply. I know we are in your prayers always.

jeannie13
11-06-2017, 11:45
I want to thank you for introducing me to the wonderful poem of Dylan Thomas.
In my ignorance I had to look it up on the internet.It brought me to tears & memories were reignited.:thanks:
I hope you had a happy day today together. Wish I was able to visit. Just remember that we are here to listen & care.
Lots of love Jean xxxx:grouphug:

supergran
11-06-2017, 12:25
Thanks Jean, glad you appreciate the poem which isn't surprising as you are a woman who appreciates the Arts. X At least no one has noticed gently instead of gentle. I should pay more attention to what comes up on screen. I don't know how to correct it, not that it matters.

greatunclebulgaria
24-06-2017, 19:18
:wave::love::sad::sad::grouphug:

supergran
28-06-2017, 21:26
Spring turns into summer and I have filled the deck with hanging baskets and pots. I have to confess that they have been bought preplanted but they make colourful display that suoergramps can see from his chair or his bed. He was always a keen gardener and over the years we had a fantastic vegetable patch and grow bags filled with all sorts and many hanging baskets and pots everywhere. I've just done what
I can. He's had a bad time lately and during Roland Garros seemed to be changing. He no longer goes to the day centre as he was having bad days there and in the first and second week of the French Open had phone calls telling me he wasn't very good. He was coming home totally exhausted, being brought out of the bus with his head almost touching his knees. He sleeps far more now but still has his good days..............

supergran
28-06-2017, 21:52
I tell him I have the chance of a ticket for the final thanks to Roy and would love to go if Andy reaches the final. Bless him he says you must go, you deserve it. It wasn't to be. I tell him I am going to Wimbledon on the first day with Pam though I keep forgetting to inform him of the cost. I'll probably keep forgetting!! His speech is getting worse and we both get upset when I can't tell what he's saying. It's not all the time but most of the time now. I kiss and hug him and he clings to me. A couple of afternoons I have lowered the bed rails and I lie down next to him with his arm around me. He falls asleep and so do I. He asks me when can he go back upstairs to bed and I tell him I'm not sure, it might be a while. It is breaking my heart.

lynne
28-06-2017, 22:19
:grouphug: For You Both!!! :grouphug:

Josephine
28-06-2017, 23:47
Heartbreaking Supergran. Thoughts to you both. It is a true love story and very hard for you now. Stay strong when you can.:hug:

Genbrit
29-06-2017, 04:04
Thoughts and prayers are with you both. :grouphug:

Alis
29-06-2017, 04:18
:grouphug:

Linda
29-06-2017, 07:04
Continuing to keep you in my prayers :grouphug:

supergran
17-07-2017, 13:49
Physiotherapist arrives. Not from Whiston Hospital I hasten to add but from St Helens. She is lovely, very kind and efficient. She does some stretching exercises with Alan as he sits in his chair. Arms, back and upper body. She asks for the zimmer frame and gets him to stand. The effort and concentration from him brings tears to my eyes. This man who was always fast on the rugby field, he had a sidestep second to none, who could score tries and run for ever is now struggling to stand upright. He's had enough and he sinks back for a rest. A few minutes later and he does it again. His effort is so obvious, his aim is to please. He sits down and she asks him to raise each knee, marching on the spot she calls it. He copies her but slowly and sometimes does the left leg instead of the right. I give him a hug and Aleksandra calls it a day. She has visited three times and this is her last session. I will now have to apply again, go on a waiting list and....wait! I know what to do and will carry on with the exercises as I have been doing for the last few weeks. I am unable to do the standing exercise with him as need another person. After a drink he lies back in his chair and immediately falls asleep. He is exhausted.

goldfish
17-07-2017, 14:09
What a hero for trying so hard x

Teresa
17-07-2017, 15:27
Not a praying person, but know how hard it is to struggle to do something when the mind is willing, but the body is not cooperating. All power to Super Gramps for trying. My thoughts are with you.

Caro
18-07-2017, 13:46
How did I miss this thread?! I have just read it all in my lunch break at work and now my eyes are so full of tears I can hardly see to type this. I always knew you wrote beautifully Mo but this is different because it so heartfelt and personal. Every day I see patients whose lives are being changed by illness, but what we don't see is the lives they lived before, the people they once were. Every health care professional should read this blog, it is an inspiration!

I wish I lived closer and could be someone else to visit you, but as it is I am thinking of you always. Much love xx

millypops
18-07-2017, 14:43
Like you Caro I have only just read this thread, and I had a lump in my throat when I had finished reading it, I can only say as always my thoughts and prayers are with you Maureen.

supergran
18-07-2017, 15:00
Thanks Caro and millypops. I am comforted and grateful for your comments. I know that you have always supported us from the beginning which means a lot to me.

lynne
18-07-2017, 16:13
My heart goes out to you as it is so hard to watch, but as always Maureen, thinking of you & Supergramps sending lots of :grouphug::grouphug:

supergran
31-07-2017, 10:47
Well, this is a progressive condition and things are definitely progressing. For the last three days my lovely husband has not been able to get out of bed. The carers can't use the hoist as he is unable to grasp the handles. He has been barely awake but opens his mouth when instructed for medication, food and drinks. He seems unable to open his eyes and hasn't spoken much. He just lies there and my heart is breaking watching him. I wonder what it's like for him, how he feels, does he think. Sometimes when I ask him how he feels he mumbles "All right". He never complains, never looks miserable, doesn't have pain but he is living in a twilight world, not living...just existing. My emotions are of deep sadness, frustration and sometimes anger that the love of my life is no longer with me but just lying in a hospital bed unaware of things around him. I watch cricket and rugby and remember how we shared a passionate interest together. My mind goes back to trips watching Lancashire cricket team, test matches at Old Trafford, rugby matches, both codes and I am sad that he can no longer watch and enjoy these sports that were a huge part of his life. Today I am feeling angry, unhappy and guilty. The carers point out to me changes on his feet. One heel has what looks like a large blood blister. This has certainly not developed overnight and I am furious that the carers over the weekend haven't noticed changes in his skin. I feel guilty as I didn't see it, leaving everything to the carers. I phone the District Nurses and am promised a visit some time today. I phone the Care company to relay my concerns. They have already been reported by the carer who spotted the skin changes. I phone Social Services saying I need to talk about changing carers. I am sitting with Alan, have been for the last hour and a half and he hasn't opened his eyes even when I give him a drink. He now has problems swallowing and it takes more time feeding, administering medication and getting drinks down him. A nurse was here last week to assess and advise and the GP visited also. He couldn't have communion yesterday as I was worried he would choke. The condition is progressing and quite quickly. I g o on the PSP forum to find out how people have died. It's usually from pneumonia caused by swallowing problems. I don't know what to think. I shall just carry on providing love and comfort. I hug and kiss him and tell him I love him but recently he hasn't responded which upsets me. He is leaving me and my heart breaks. I hate this disease.

patlowe
31-07-2017, 10:55
It is indeed very cruel Maureen. You have a right to feel all the emotions you do feel EXCEPT guilt. You have nothing to feel guilt over. That is quite clear from your posts. Always thinking about you.:hug:

themass15
31-07-2017, 11:08
Really don't know what to say. As Pat says it is so cruel. Just hope you can draw some strength from happier times you enjoyed together.

clancy
31-07-2017, 11:44
A heart-breaking situation - such a cruel disease. xx

Teresa
31-07-2017, 11:51
There is nothing one can say, other than we are all thinking of you both, and that when the time comes we hope the end is as peaceful and gentle as possible.

anor
31-07-2017, 12:04
Sad to read your latest post, Maureen. As Clancy said, it is indeed an awful disease. :hug:

cazza99
31-07-2017, 12:09
:grouphug: :grouphug: Supergran

Caro
31-07-2017, 12:55
It seems no time ago at all that I was reading your blog about the WTF when you got a ticket to see Andy and supergramps came with you to keep you company on the journey and he had the fall on the escalator .... The beginning of this horrendous disease no doubt.
Thinking of you always Maureen and sending lots of love and :grouphug::grouphug:

harriet
31-07-2017, 14:23
hi Supergran, don't know what sort of hoist you have, but you need a sling so that the carer and you can roll your husband into it so he can get out of bed. I think that the sense of hearing persists, so chat away, don't be left thinking you wish you had told him .... Is drinking easier thro a straw, or the sort of cup that has a top with a spout?
You're in a horrible spot, give yourself a little treat, keep yourself in good heart for your man.

jeannie13
31-07-2017, 14:24
All my love to you both :grouphug: :grouphug:

Alis
31-07-2017, 14:47
So, so sorry to read your latest post SG - my thoughts are with you both.

supergran
31-07-2017, 16:40
hi Supergran, don't know what sort of hoist you have, but you need a sling so that the carer and you can roll your husband into it so he can get out of bed. I think that the sense of hearing persists, so chat away, don't be left thinking you wish you had told him .... Is drinking easier thro a straw, or the sort of cup that has a top with a spout?
You're in a horrible spot, give yourself a little treat, keep yourself in good heart for your man.

Thanks for concern. The hoist has a sling but he has to hold on to this one and for the last few days has been unable to. He's had cups with spouts for a long time now and has used straws. His drinks are thickened now so advised to remove lid when he experiences difficulties. We have everything really but today have seen doctor, district nurse and a nurse from
Hospital at Home team so everyone aware of what's happening.

jackie55
31-07-2017, 16:47
So very sorry to read your post, so sad,:flowers:

lynne
31-07-2017, 18:52
Oh! Maureen, it's so, so sad i know, but please don't feel guilty, you have to carry on as normal, very hard I know, but you have to or you will make yourself ill, it's so very hard to watch a loved one not be the person they once were, but feel no guilt & he probably can hear you but just can't respond, believe he is hearing you. I could go on & on but I am just going to send strength & love & lots of big :grouphug: My thoughts are with you Maureen & Supergramps!!!:grouphug:

Caro
01-08-2017, 12:18
Yes, it's true that supergramps can almost certainly hear you Mo. Keep chatting to him about the things you enjoyed together and the memories. He will love to hear that.

ljs
01-08-2017, 18:53
Im thinking of you SG & your hubby that you love so much :grouphug:

Jan62
01-08-2017, 19:14
Maureen, it is heart breaking to read how this illness is taking Alan from you little piece by little piece. You are doing everything you can and even though he can't respond, he can feel your touch, hear your voice and feel the love you have for him. As others have said, hearing is the last sense to fail and even when there seems to be little response, people do hear. I don't know if Alan liked music, but I know from experience of dementia patients that they respond to a favourite piece of music even when all other responses have long since stopped. I know Alan's illness is different but playing very familiar pieces of music, especially ones that have a special significance for him, can have a positive and calming effect.

You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Xx

Keeptheheid
01-08-2017, 21:50
Don't quite know what to say that would offer any comfort, but I will have a go. What I gather from your posts is that you have been blessed to have each other. That your love and strength have and is helping you through some truly tough, testing times and you are doing everything in your power to care for your Husband. I would just like to let you know that you are not alone. So you keep posting and I will keep reading as it is the very, very least I can do.

supergran
01-08-2017, 22:31
I am grateful for all your lovely posts. They mean a lot. District Nurses came today and thankfully said they weren't pressure sores but caused by friction. His legs are separated now with cushion and feet elevated from mattress. They are ordering a ripple mattress which will be such a help. I've often criticised hospital nurses but the District Nurses are just wonderful. He's much better today and has tried to talk through not easy to understand him. He does love music and we often listen to our favourite artists together although he does fall asleep. He's been out of bed today but only on commode but that was such a relief after being in bed since Friday. Hopefully tomorrow will be another good day.

JerryD
01-08-2017, 22:51
I have been following this threat SG, though I was not sure what I could say that could be of use or comfort. I was hoping to get down to see you but that's another story. Tonight I was watching a clip in which one of the guys said that sometimes just reaching out or checking in is enough. A sense of community can bring a feeling of comfort. It's hard to be there in person at the moment but I hope you know we are thinking of both. No one could do anymore than you do, your devotion to Alan is clear and I'm certain he feels it everyday. I'm so glad that today has a better day, I hope with all my heart that tomorrow is too, you deserve years of good days. Thinking of you always, hugs xx

RosieBear
02-08-2017, 18:10
Like Jerry I've followed this thread but felt at a loss for words. Just don't know what to say, Mo - it's such a challenging situation. Wishing you an abundance of good days and am in awe of your strength at getting through the bad ones. :grouphug:

supergran
02-08-2017, 22:54
Don't worry... any one of you.....that you don't know what to say. I understand completely but knowing you are with me is enough. You are our friends and your concern, brief comment or just liking the post tells me that you are supporting me and Alan. I love you all for it and never feel alone because of my friends on here. Thank you. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Caro
03-08-2017, 14:08
I quite often read this thread on my lunch break at work (very late lunch today!) and almost inevitably I end up filled up with tears .... but I am so glad that you can feel the support and love xx

Genbrit
04-08-2017, 02:59
Haven't been on here for a while and so just catching up with your latest news. My thoughts are with you as I know how difficult this must be. Everyone has said pretty much what I would say. Try not to feel guilty, you are doing everything you can and the fact that he is still with you at home is testament to that. I think we all feel guilty at times like this. Maybe guilty because we want to take their pain away from them, want them to get better and we feel helpless that we can't do that. I had guilt about my mother for a long time and still do at times, thinking I should have done this, or said that. Just continue to talk, play music, whatever seems to give comfort. Just be you, that is who Alan has loved all these years and hold on to your memories. :hug:

Jennan
04-08-2017, 04:02
Like Genbrit's post above, I have not been on here for a while, though pop in now and again for quick catchup, mostly middle of the night. My thoughts and feelings are exactly the same as Genbrit's. Really feel for you and what you are both going through.

Linda
04-08-2017, 13:29
I'm another one who just can't find words to say . . . but please be assured that I'm still holding you both in my thoughts & prayers. :grouphug:

supergran
12-09-2017, 07:51
Tried to put group private messages on yesterday but told that errors in names???? and token expired so gave up. Sadly Alan now has swallowing difficulties and has barely eaten for the last week. Medication also a problem. It looks like he is nearing the end of his life sooner than we expected. He's well looked after by carers, district nurses, GP and me. He hasn't spoken for a few days now and barely wakes for personal care. It is a very very sad time for us.

JerryD
12-09-2017, 08:07
I'm so sorry to hear this SG, I'm certain Alan is getting the best care. I wish there wa something I could say to help or being you comfort. You are in my thoughts. Take care of yourself too. Hugs xx

RosieBear
12-09-2017, 08:26
The flipside of love can be so cruel. Mo :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

themass15
12-09-2017, 08:29
Thinking of you both at this very sad time

hfwardhouse
12-09-2017, 08:35
Oh Mo I'm so sorry - just been through the same with mum in law - so hard to watch - sending love and hugs to you both xx

Teresa
12-09-2017, 08:36
No adequate words. My thoughts are with you both.

Mickey
12-09-2017, 10:00
Maureen my thoughts and prayers are with you both.

cazza99
12-09-2017, 12:07
:grouphug: :grouphug: Supergran

Josephine
12-09-2017, 12:25
Thoughts are with you SG and Supergramps. I wish you strength in a heartbreaking situation.:hug:

anor
12-09-2017, 16:48
My thoughts are also with you and Alan, Maureen. :grouphug:

lynne
12-09-2017, 17:11
Oh! Maureen, so so sorry, it's so very sad, my heart, thoughts & prayers are with you & Alan & sending strength to you both!! :grouphug:

Alis
12-09-2017, 17:42
:flowers::flowers::flowers: My thoughts are with you, Supergran. :flowers::flowers::flowers:

JAMES4578
12-09-2017, 17:47
So sorry to hear, it's so sad, my thoughts are with the both of you at this difficult time. :flowers::flowers:

Linda
12-09-2017, 18:05
So sorry to read this. I continue to hold you in my prayers :hug:

Elizabeth
12-09-2017, 18:10
I am so very sorry to read this Maureen - you are both in my thoughts and prayers.

WimbledonWestie
12-09-2017, 18:37
Thinking of you both and sending hugs and prayers. Xx

patlowe
12-09-2017, 19:12
This is a very sad and difficult time for you and your family Maureen. Really feel for you. Think of you lots. xx

goldfish
12-09-2017, 20:51
Thinking of you both xx

AllyB
12-09-2017, 21:33
So sad

supergran
12-09-2017, 21:57
Thank you all so much. You are lovely friends. Had a few visitors tonight MurrayAOne and Juicy who have been the most caring friends and old friends I taught with who come often. Just having a few minutes to myself, enjoying a glass of prosecco and musing on our life. I can't really believe that soon Alan will leave me but I know he will and my heart is breaking. He always said he'd never leave me.:crying::crying::crying:

Alis
12-09-2017, 23:58
..... but he isn't leaving you - he will always be with you.

jeannie13
13-09-2017, 00:05
I'm so sorry that Alan is so poorly now. You have done so much for him.
My thoughts & prayers are with you both. Much Love- Jean:grouphug::grouphug:xx

Teresa
13-09-2017, 06:19
Nothing to do with Alan but I need support. My daughter has been diagnosed with anal cancer. What the hell is that? She's telling me it's treatable but frantic she won't be here for her dad. This is the last straw for me.

What can we do to help? How can we support you? Millie and I are sending you one of our rare hugs.

Alis
13-09-2017, 06:42
Oh, SG, I'm so sorry.:crying: I have to admit I have never heard of anal cancer but it does seem that, if it is caught early, the prognosis is very good.

Caro
13-09-2017, 14:53
Oh Mo ..... life is so damn cruel! Thinking of you always xx

lynne
13-09-2017, 17:44
Oh! Maureen, as Caro says life can be cruel, but if the doctor says it is treatable, that is a shining light, sending you double strength, double hope & double hugs :grouphug::grouphug: it's the only way I know how to give you support ... thinking of you!!!

JAMES4578
13-09-2017, 18:15
Devastating news Maureen on top of everything else, however the positive is that your daughter's cancer is treatable-sending support and best wishes to all the family.:grouphug:

patlowe
13-09-2017, 22:25
More support from me too Maureen. I'm lost for words to express how I feel about your latest blow. I will keep thinking about you all day everyday. The lowest ebb is the turning of the tide. xx

ljs
13-09-2017, 22:28
Even tho Ive never met you in person , my heart goes out to you :grouphug:

clancy
14-09-2017, 07:42
Back after a week away to bad news all round. So very sorry Maureen for the double blows you've been dealt. You are in my thoughts and prayers. x

supergran
14-09-2017, 08:36
Alan is slowly reaching the end of his life. The GP has taken him off the tablets and only liquid medication given, that not always successful now. Has been unable to take food all week and only managing very few sips of liquid now. He doesn't wake up now and very occasionally his eyes will open for a moment and then close again. He has lost weight on his body and limbs but looks quite healthy still. His breathing changes throughout the day and sometimes he makes noises. The district nurses have received a prescription for drugs that will be injected when needed. They're not in the house yet.He looks very comfortable and peaceful. So we wait and my heart breaks a little more each day.

hfwardhouse
14-09-2017, 08:39
:grouphug:

Sallydaisy
14-09-2017, 08:47
:grouphug:

harriet
14-09-2017, 08:57
hi Supergran, i remember when my mum died, 10 days after a stroke, i found i had done a lot of my grieving before her death. it was an odd time, visiting her, talking a lot to her tho she was unconscious of course, coming home and making arrangements for what would happen after her death. being in 2 time frames, now and in the near future ... a grieving daughter and a 50yr old orphan, and i did feel very much an orphan then. so for you Supergran it's a grieving wife, saying your goodbyes really, and preparing for a new stage of life, a widow and a much needed mum. i hope i haven't depressed you, i feel for you very much, but all you can do is bear up, i know you will and i send you my best wishes - take comfort from all your friends on this forum please.

Jan
14-09-2017, 10:42
My thoughts and best wishes too, at this very hard time :flowers:

patmoren
14-09-2017, 11:00
:grouphug:so sorry to hear of Alans' deterioration, stay strong.

Caro
14-09-2017, 12:52
:crying::crying::crying: So sad for you Mo. I can't believe how quickly poor Alan has deteriorated. I wish there was more I could do but we are all here for you on the forum xx

banskogirl
14-09-2017, 13:59
So, so sorry Mo x don't know what else to say. Praying for strength for you for your days and nights and peace for your daughter when she can't help in the ways she wants right now. :grouphug:

cazza99
14-09-2017, 16:42
:grouphug: Mo

jeannie13
14-09-2017, 16:55
Maureen :grouphug::grouphug:xxxxxx

patlowe
14-09-2017, 17:52
Every time I read your posts Maureen, I am engulfed with emotion, wishing that your situation could be different and also empathising with the feelings of helplessness you might possibly have. It brings back emotions similar to those when my mother was in her end days and it is indeed a heart-breaking time for you. But I know you have lots of inner strength which you can draw on. Always here for you. xx

Jan62
15-09-2017, 18:40
So heart breaking for you SG. Alan is being well cared for and will know you are still right by his side. Touch and hearing are very important senses at the end of life, so even just holding someone's hand is very comforting. You are both very much in my thoughts and prayers xx

supergran
16-09-2017, 14:53
Alan died at 9.45 this morning. He left us quietly and peacefully.

Linda
16-09-2017, 14:58
My condolences. Do you have any family or friends with you now?

Teresa
16-09-2017, 15:01
So sorry for you and your family. A gentle man had a quiet and peaceful passing. I only met Alan briefly in Ghent, but he made an impression. My thoughts are with you.

anor
16-09-2017, 15:50
So sad for you and your family, Maureen. I hope that the feelings of love and support coming your way from this forum will help you through this dark time.

ljs
16-09-2017, 15:54
I am so sorry SG :grouphug:

RosieBear
16-09-2017, 16:00
I'm deeply sorry, Mo. Nobody who ever met your charming, gentle husband will forget him or your special bond that was always so apparent whenever we saw you together. A lovely man. Rest peacefully, Supergramps xxx

hfwardhouse
16-09-2017, 16:20
So sad to hear this Mo, Alan was a lovely man, with a great sense of humour and fun. Know that we are all thinking of you and your family and keeping you in prayer xxx

goldfish
16-09-2017, 17:00
Sorry for this news supergran. It was nice to have met you both in Ghent for that brilliant weekend - a great memory. Take care x

Josephine
16-09-2017, 17:42
My deepest sympathy to you and your family at this time of sorrow.

jeannie13
16-09-2017, 17:42
I'm so sorry to hear that Alan has died. He was a real gentleman. I am so sad for you & your family. Keep strong over the next week & months. You know that you have so many friends on this forum that care deeply about you.:flowers: I hope this will help you.xxxx

Jan
16-09-2017, 17:49
So sorry to hear this news SG. My sincere sympathy to you and your family.

lynne
16-09-2017, 17:50
I am so, so sorry Maureen, my heart breaks for you & your family, my condolences to you all, sending you strength to try to stay strong, as I know it will be hard, my thoughts & prayers are with you all! :grouphug:

Alis
16-09-2017, 18:10
Thinking of you, SG - such sad news. :grouphug: Hold onto your memories.

clancy
16-09-2017, 18:29
Such sad news. Difficult days ahead for you Maureen. Life is going to be very different but you will cope as you know Alan would want you to. xx

cazza99
16-09-2017, 18:44
Sorry to hear about this Mo. :grouphug:

JAMES4578
16-09-2017, 19:01
So sorry to hear the sad news Maureen, my condolences.:grouphug: Alan seemed to deteriorate so quickly latterly, a dreadful illness.Thinking of yourself and all the family at this difficult time.

lovetennis
16-09-2017, 19:55
Sending hugs SG :grouphug::grouphug: . Nobody could have done more for a loved one than you have. God bless

jackie55
16-09-2017, 19:59
Sad news, so sorry for you and your family SG

patlowe
16-09-2017, 21:57
I am so sad for you Maureen. Thinking about you. My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. Nobody could have done more for Alan in his last days than you. You were an absolute rock. What a privilege it was for you to have shared so much over the years with that wonderful man.
"Miss me a little-But not for long
And not with your head bowed low,
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me-But let me go."
:hug: xx

jagmad
16-09-2017, 22:20
Words are so inadequate at times like this.
You were, are now and will always be loved.

Pete and Lynne
Xx

Mickey
17-09-2017, 05:49
My love and condolences with you at this time.:hug::hug:

dewster99
17-09-2017, 08:45
So sorry to hear your news SG, thinking of you

Golden Lady
17-09-2017, 10:03
I am so deeply sorry Maureen for the loss of your precious Alan. You are very much in my thoughts and prayers.Xxx

supergran
17-09-2017, 14:22
Thanks everyone. Shedding a few tears reading your lovely messages. Tim and Sarah have left but Sarah coming back tonight to stay Until Wednesday morning then Tim coming Wednesday until Friday. Then it's Newcastle Satuday.

Elizabeth
17-09-2017, 15:13
My sincere condolences to you and your family, Maureen. Alan was a lovely gentleman and will not be forgotten.

hfwardhouse
17-09-2017, 16:15
Thanks everyone. Shedding a few tears reading your lovely messages. Tim and Sarah have left but Sarah coming back tonight to stay Until Wednesday morning then Tim coming Wednesday until Friday. Then it's Newcastle Satuday.

So pleased you're still going to come next weekend.

Alis
17-09-2017, 17:40
Death leaves a heartache no-one can heal
But love leaves a memory no-one can steal.

Your memories are so precious, SG.

Rosalind
17-09-2017, 18:58
Dear SuperGran, I've not met you but have just been reading of your sad loss. The Andy fans are a diverse but close network and like everyone else I'm sending you my thoughts and condolences. xx

Caro
18-09-2017, 12:18
I have said it all elsewhere Mo, and you know I am thinking of you. As many on here have said, you were married to such a lovely man and best of all is that you know that. How wonderful to still have had a happy marriage after 50+ years, not many can say that honestly I'm sure! Sending you my love and I will give you the hug when I see you next weekend. I am so glad that you still feel able to come. You will be surrounded by people who care that's for sure xx

JerryD
18-09-2017, 15:02
I can't add anything to what I have said, I know it can't help only repeat that you are in my thoughts and I'm here if you need anything. I am so happy you are still coming on Saturday. Sending our love until then xxx

themass15
18-09-2017, 16:26
Thinking of you at this very sad time. I hope you have many happy memories to cherish.

WimbledonWestie
18-09-2017, 18:20
Everyone needs to give Mo a big hug from me please.

Caro
20-09-2017, 12:26
Everyone needs to give Mo a big hug from me please.

The poor woman may well be crushed to death with all these big hugs .... maybe we'll just drown her in wine instead .... what do you reckon SG? :laugh:

WimbledonWestie
20-09-2017, 16:48
That's a fair alternative!

hfwardhouse
20-09-2017, 19:43
The poor woman may well be crushed to death with all these big hugs .... maybe we'll just drown her in wine instead .... what do you reckon SG? :laugh:

She's pretty good at that herself .... :wino: :wino: .... but we'll keep her good company :thumbup:

greatunclebulgaria
20-09-2017, 20:25
So sorry to hear your sad news, thinking of you always :thumbup::flowers::flowers::sad::hug::hug:

supergran
20-09-2017, 22:42
You are all so kind......and your attempts at humour are definitely getting better.:clap:

hfwardhouse
21-09-2017, 08:37
You are all so kind......and your attempts at humour are definitely getting better.:clap:

:halo:

jagmad
21-09-2017, 10:44
The poor woman may well be crushed to death with all these big hugs .... maybe we'll just drown her in wine instead .... what do you reckon SG? :laugh:

Not sure about drown maybe it should be limited to bath or soak?
;)
Thinking of you SG.
Pete N Lynne
:flowers::flowers:

supergran
22-09-2017, 08:57
I'm quite partial to hugs and wine. Seriously, thank you all so much. Alan's funeral will take place on Friday 6th October. Requiem Mass at St Thomas of Canterbury Church followed by cremation at St Helens Crematorium and then the Abbey Hotel. Priest coming this afternoon to finalise details and Tim and I went to Funeral directors yesterday to do same for crematorium. On my own now as Tim is going into work today for a few hours. Tim a d Sarah have been a tower of strength. Good news from Adrienne, cancer hasn't spread and everyone is positive. She will be starting chemo soon.

supergran
27-09-2017, 13:20
Went to see Alan yesterday. Looking at him and touching him brought it home that he's not here. It's just his shell lying in the coffin. I took photographs for our daughter and for me. Looking at them again this morning I had a good cry.

Linda
27-09-2017, 17:58
:crying: :grouphug:

lynne
27-09-2017, 18:26
Sending Strength & Hugs!!!! :grouphug::grouphug:

Alis
27-09-2017, 20:20
You're entitled to a good cry, SG.:grouphug:

patlowe
27-09-2017, 22:06
Maureen, :crying: :love:

Genbrit
28-09-2017, 02:56
Love and hugs :love::hug:

JerryD
28-09-2017, 09:55
My thoughts are with you SG, love and hugs xx

Caro
29-09-2017, 12:21
I completely agree with your description of a 'shell' ... That is exactly how it feels, not the person you loved at all, more like the case they lived in all their lives. I remember watching my mum slip away and how different she looked afterwards to before. It's such a weird feeling. Love and hugs from me xxx

lynne
29-09-2017, 14:10
Thinking of you today Maureen!!!:grouphug:

karanga
29-09-2017, 14:16
Thinking of you Maureen. :grouphug: :flowers:

supergran
30-09-2017, 14:18
Thanks everybody. I don't know if any of you who live fairly near St Helens would like to be at the funeral but you would be very welcome if you came. Only a few days now through it seems like an age. Thanks again for all your loving support.

JerryD
05-10-2017, 13:48
Thanks everybody. I don't know if any of you who live fairly near St Helens would like to be at the funeral but you would be very welcome if you came. Only a few days now through it seems like an age. Thanks again for all your loving support.

We have a meeting for s scheduled at 12 (so it will start at 12.30) so we won't make it. I doubt we'll be finished much before 2pm. You will be in our thoughts xx

clancy
05-10-2017, 15:45
I shall be thinking of you tomorrow Maureen. xx

Teresa
05-10-2017, 17:07
As will I. I hope that Alan has a send off worthy if such a decent man. Keep strong.

lovetennis
05-10-2017, 17:26
Will be thinking of you tomorrow Maureen. :hug:

patlowe
05-10-2017, 18:11
Although I will not be physically present tomorrow Maureen, I will still be with you all the way. Always thinking about you. xx

Alis
05-10-2017, 19:15
Thinking of you too, SG - saying that final goodbye is never easy. :grouphug:

Linda
05-10-2017, 19:21
Also thinking of you :grouphug:

jeannie13
05-10-2017, 19:33
My thoughts as always will be with you tomorrow. It was a pleasure to have met and known Alan. Much love Jean.xxxxx :grouphug:

Mickey
05-10-2017, 20:11
You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. I am going to the Cromlix for lunch so I will bring you and Alan in my heart.

ljs
05-10-2017, 21:39
Thinking of you SG:grouphug:

lynne
06-10-2017, 00:12
Yesterday I thought of you Maureen, as I was at a funeral of a dear friend and today I will be with you in spirit & send you strength!!:grouphug:

Genbrit
06-10-2017, 03:49
My thoughts and prayers are with you today. Love and hugs. xx :grouphug:

Golden Lady
06-10-2017, 06:59
Thinking of and praying for you and your family Maureen.X

supergran
08-10-2017, 13:44
I've just written a long post, clicked on post but it's not here.

Sallydaisy
08-10-2017, 15:26
I've just written a long post, clicked on post but it's not here.
Sorry to hear that SG; would it be an idea to type as a document that you can save and then copy it into a forum post?

Also, have you tried the 'restore' option.
When typing this message to you a bright yellow box appeared saying Auto Saved.
Next time I try to post it will offer me an option to 'restore' and if you click on that word it'll reload what you had typed so far. It's worth a try.

supergran
12-10-2017, 14:22
The Last Post: Friday the 6th of October has arrived and instead of the rain of the previous days it is a bright, sunny morning. We are up early; son, daughter-in-law and grandson who flew into Manchester from Philadelphia yesterday morning. Sarah cooks breakfast for us all then Tim runs me to the hairdressers. He brings me back and Sarah and James are almost ready. I get changed into a black dress which has to be ziped up for me. I will need to sort out how to do just that when I'm alone. We are all ready, looking very smart. Family arrive soon followed by close friends. A party is in progress in the kitchen, drinks are served. Others gather in the lounge now no longer Alan's room. The rooms are filled with cards and flowers, photographs and memories. I alternate between tears and smiles, try to chat to everyone but eventually find myself in the drive with close family waiting for my beloved husband to arrive................... We stand around as neighbours look through windows and we smile and wave. Someone says "He's here" and the hearse appears round the bend and slowly approaches the house. I gulp and swallow hard, holding my son's hand, as I see the coffin draped in the Merseyside Fire Brigade flag and the Station Officer's white helmet plus three beautiful flower arrangements. A large one from his family and two from our daughter and son-in-law and grandsons. Within a short time everyone leaves the house. I'm the last to leave, setting the alarm and locking the doors.......................... The short drive to the church seems surreal to me. We chat together but I feel very strange. Arriving at the church I'm aware of many people outside but am more concerned with the bearers, Tim, Sarah, James, Tom, Anna and a close friend of Tim's who are being directed and guided. The priest says the welcome prayers and they hoist the coffin on their shoulders and we make our way into church. I find this hard walking and holding on to my brother and sister-in-law. I'm aware that the church is full as the entrance hymn is sung and we get to the front. My brother who has carried the helmet places it on the flag-draped coffin which is right in front of us. The Mass begins............It is a beautiful service, well it would be as I organised everything. The readings, hymns, the prayers are so fitting. My brother says the First Reading, a friend from West Park Rugby Club reads the Responsorial Psalm, my brother and sister-in-law do the Offertory Procession and Tim and Sarah read our very personal Bidding Prayers. The eulogy is given by a very old friend of Alan's who first met him playing rugby after they'd left school and then joined him in the Fire Service. It contains a lot of humour which is lovely and I find myself laughing out loud. After the Mass and just before the prayers of farewell we sit quietly while the organist sings Going Home. The beautiful psalm of farewell is sung , the blessing over the coffin completed and we all make our way out. This is hard, I grab my brother's arm and whisper "Just give me a minute" I collect myself and we follow the bearers our of the church to the singing of the recessional hymn. I am aware of people, friends, colleagues with tears in their eyes, grown men crying. It takes all my strength to get out and into the car without breaking down................... We travel the very short journey from the church to the Crematorium. We see the Fire Appliance and the firefighters standing to attention as the hearse draws up and everyone in the car is moved to tears. We enter to Sinatra's That's Life and follow the coffin to the front. Throughout the mass I think that Alan is in the coffin. I had seen him in the Chapel of Rest but it's very hard all the same. I know that this is the finale, the end, the coffin and my lovely Alan will leave me. But first the short service. The priest says the prayers and then I get up to read a poem which begins Feel No Guilt in Laughter... My voice is strong and loud, I can see people looking at me surprised that I'm in front of them reading. I'm doing it for Alan. I know I read it well as it's one of the very few skills I have. I return to my seat and the final prayers are said and the curtain slowly hides the coffin from sight. I grip my son and grandson's hands as Bobby Darin's Softly As I Leave You is played. We get up to leave, it is hard especially seeing friends crying as we walk out. We thank Fr Tom and get into the car............Now another short ride to The Abbey which is close to the church to begin which turns out to be a very long celebration of Alan's life. My thanks to you all for supporting me throughout. AMFF was well represented at Alan's funeral as MurrayAOne, Juicy and roytennisfan were with us. Heartfelt thanks to MurrayAOne and Juicy who have supported both Alan and me for a long time and special thanks to Roy for taking the time to pay his respects. So this is the end of my posting. Through I could start another thread entitled. Grief and Living Alone SUCKS!!:

supergran
12-10-2017, 14:43
Just as a postscript. If anyone is interested the hymns were: Entrance hymn:I Watch the Sunrise, Offertory hymn: In Bread We Bring You Lord, Communion hymn: Here I am Lord and the Recessional hymn: O Lord my God, When I in Awesome Wonder. As I'd mentioned the songs at the Crematorium thought I should include the sacred music.

lynne
12-10-2017, 15:38
Oh! Maureen, I am shedding tears for you reading your post, it is so very hard I know, but the way I look at it is, Alan hasn't left you as he is in your heart & always will be, so he will be with you & walk with you everyday. Bless you Maureen, stay strong!! :grouphug:

Alis
12-10-2017, 16:03
It sounds as though Alan had a wonderful sendoff, SG. :grouphug:

RosieBear
12-10-2017, 16:24
A truly beautiful celebration of Alan's life and the life you built together, Mo. Many people never find the kind of love you shared with Alan, you have so many memories to cherish. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

supergran
12-10-2017, 20:22
I would just like to add that despite the title of this thread Alan did go gentle into that good night. He left me to rage against the dying of the light.

Teresa
12-10-2017, 20:46
It’s understandable that you rage, but this quote by the author Libby Purves, on the death of her son, (by suicide) has always struck me as quite beautiful.

She continues: 'One thing which has held me together this past year has been the absolute knowledge that he did not want to shipwreck or blight us. He stayed as long as he could. Therefore it is a kind of duty not to be shipwrecked or blighted for his honour's sake.

The full article is:-

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2007/dec/09/culture.poetry

As a former English teacher I think you will appreciate it.

WimbledonWestie
12-10-2017, 21:12
It sounds like the day went just as you planned, a beautiful send off, you all did him proud. And what lovely hymns you chose.

patlowe
12-10-2017, 21:23
A beautifully written and very moving post Maureen. You are a very brave woman and Alan would have been so proud of you. I really liked your choice of hymns and music. Tear-jerking. Take care.:hug:

AllyB
12-10-2017, 22:26
I can't begin to understand how anyone who knows you, or knew Alan feels right now. Your post has me in tears, dreading the day when similar awaits my wife or myself.

JerryD
12-10-2017, 22:43
Sounds like it was a fitting tribute SG. As always you are in our hearts and our thoughts xx x

Caro
13-10-2017, 12:39
A truly beautiful celebration of Alan's life and the life you built together, Mo. Many people never find the kind of love you shared with Alan, you have so many memories to cherish. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:


A beautifully written and very moving post Maureen. You are a very brave woman and Alan would have been so proud of you. I really liked your choice of hymns and music. Tear-jerking. Take care.:hug:

I couldn't have put it better myself. Sending you lots of love always xxx

Genbrit
13-10-2017, 16:38
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I felt as though I was there with you throughout this, and how I wish I could have been to offer my support personally.

So glad you had such a good turn out, it shows the admiration and love that so many have for Alan & you.

Thanks to everyone from this forum who have been there to support you as well.

jeannie13
13-10-2017, 21:46
You have written a very moving account of Alan's funeral Mo. What a great send off.
I noticed the rendition of "Going Home"--a beautiful song which never fails to reduce me to tears.
Stay strong and know you are constantly in all our thoughts. Much love Jeanxxx:flowers:

HoopGirl
18-10-2017, 09:15
SG I have only just caught up with this thread and the news about the passing of your lovely husband.
I am so very sorry. I have so much admiration for the moving and eloquent way you have shared your feelings and experiences over the last few months.
My mum described losing her husband as feeling like she was a boat that was rudderless.
Take each day as it comes. Be kind to yourself. Sending you love.