Marbella

[supergran]

Sorry folks, this is not the post you were expecting.

I realised when I arrived home I was on my own. Not just here but in a group. When we arrived everyone did their own thing, exploring Marbella. I wasn't up to it even though Jerry and Kev told me they were going straight out. They were wonderful all weekend. So I was on my own until ready to meet my lovely former pupil for a meal. I met Liz and Maud and they invited me for a drink. We walked to a restaurant where we saw Tina, Winnie, Jan et al.

Friday, decided to go by taxi as didn't know where to get free bus. My fault. And so every day went on my own as most people walked and I can't walk any distance these days. The seats were very good but I wasn't seated next to my close tennis friends Every day except Sunday I got a taxi alone back to hotel. Friday went to the Claddagh and joined everyone and Saturday we had our forum meal as a group. Sunday, walked with Passionanda from venue and enjoyed the evening.

Monday, spent alone, did a bit of shopping then sat on the terrace in the Sun missing Alan.I'd missed him all weekend but Monday was bad. Thankfully pabbers invited me to join her Sally and Linda for a meal.

This account is not a criticism of anyone as I really enjoyed myself but a realisation that I am one person coming to D.C.. I'm not one of couple, not part of an established group,not even a twosome friendship. I think I might give the D.C. a miss for a while as I'm struggling without Alan.Every day gets worse when people tell me it will get better. It hasn't, it gets worse.

[pabbers]

SG it's bound to get worse before it gets "better"...... or rather different but tolerable. Over the period of a year or even longer, you'll be having to go through each of the things you and Alan shared as a couple but as just you. That's really hard. But shutting yourself away is not the answer. Expressing your needs, as above, is a step in the right direction. Hadn't realised you'd been on your own as much as you had in Marbella. Thought you'd walked to the tennis with Jerry and Kev (before I knew your feet were bad which wasn't till the Monday). Fairly sure people were convinced you were with someone else if not with them. We should have checked but also you mustn't be afraid to ask. So, grit your teeth, gird up your loins and press forward as would the SG we've all come to know and love and as Alan would want you to. We're here to listen and your geographically closer friends, to give more tangible s

[Caro]

I completely agree that things getting better is a long process. It is still well under a year since you lost Alan SG, still lots of "firsts" happening without him which is always tough. I would not expect things to be getting better yet ... you were married for over 50 years! Life on your own is strange and unwanted and I would not expect anything better than what you describe at this stage. Maybe because people have said it will get better, you are expecting it to be sooner than I would. People say the first year is the worst but of course everyone's experience is different. You will always miss him, of course you will but it just gets easier to bear because eventually it is not quite so raw.
Please don't stop coming to DC or other meet ups. We will all try to make sure you're not on your own when you don't want to be. Sending a big hug to you and lots of love xx