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Re: Jokes Thread
I say, Holmes
"What sort of school did you go to Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson."
"What is this large woody shrub, whose trunk is made of fire and its
branches are made of water, air and earth, Holmes?"
"It's an Element tree, my dear Watson."
"I like your yellow porch Holmes?"
"It's a lemon entry my dear Watson."
"What is this chunk of limestone, Holmes?"
"It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
"I have a terrible indigestion in my gastrointestinal tract Holmes."
"It's alimentary my dear Watson"
"what is your favourite cheese Holmes?"
"It's Emmental-ary my dear Watson"
"How the deuce do we deal with Professor Moriarty, Holmes?"
"It's eliminatory my dear Watson."
"I say Holmes, did Ellen say she was voting Conservative?"
"Ellen meant Tory my dear Watson"
"what did your accountant say, Holmes?"
"It's hell monetarily my dear Watson."
"What does the Conservative MP have to pay to his ex wife, Holmes?"
"Alimony Tory, my dear Watson."
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Re: Jokes Thread
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Re: Jokes Thread
I'm passing this on because it worked for me. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives.
I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Sancerre, a bottle of Glenfiddich, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. You haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sen this 2 all hoo need inna pis. An telum u luvum.
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Re: Jokes Thread
Brilliant :rolling::rolling:
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Re: Jokes Thread
:lol: I'm going to put that on facebook.
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Re: Jokes Thread
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Re: Jokes Thread
Always read the instructions
On Pick n' Pay's peanuts
"Warning: contains nuts."
On Clicks Children Cough Medicine
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On a Woolworths Bread Pudding
"Product will be hot after heating."
On a Clicks hair dryer
"Do not use while sleeping."
On a bag of Simba Chips
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary!"
(Details inside.)
On a bar of Dove soap
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Checkers frozen dinners
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On the packaging of a Rowenta iron
"Don't iron clothes on body."
On Nytol Sleep Aid
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On some brands of Christmas lights of Eastern origin
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor
"Not to be used for the other use."
On a SA Airways packet of peanuts -
[1] Open packet;
[2] Eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Korean kitchen knife
"Warning keep out of children."
On a German chainsaw
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
On Woolworth's Tiramisu dessert
"Do not turn upside down."
(printed on the bottom)
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Re: Jokes Thread
If only i'd read the instructions on my chainsaw ....
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Re: Jokes Thread
:rolling::rolling::rolling:
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Re: Jokes Thread
I've got one...On Bold Sparkling Pomegranate & Orange Blossom liqui-tabs (quite large): Avoid contact with eyes; if swallowed seek medical advice!!!!!:confused::big grin::barmy:
